"What happened in the past has made myself to the person who I am today."

what's going on in my head. nd where's my love. I believe in fate, but where is it right now? It can't be my fate to be like this right now. There must be more to it than this.

Ich kann einfach nicht glauben, dass sich all diese Ereignisse immer wieder wiederholen. Mir scheint es, als ob ich in einer Zeitschleife hänge. wtf. Im Leben passieren immer und immer wieder gleiche Ereignisse, Wiederholungen.... und schon wieder wiederholt sich etwas, und schon wieder sitze ich vollgepackt mit Zweifel und schlechten Gedanken hier vor diesem Computer und teile meine Gefühle und Gedanken mit dem Internet. Natürlich könnte ich jetzt all meine Freunde anrufen und mit ihnen reden...was ich auch oft genug mache, aber manchmal will man einfach nicht reden...sondern einfach nur allein sein. schon wieder. Eigentlich will ich nicht allein sein, und ich glaube, nur ganz wenige Menschen kommen mit der Einsamkeit klar. In Wahrheit strebt jeder nach dem Gefühl von Volkommenheit und Zufriedenheit. Jeder möchte irgendwie vollkommen sein.....alleine kann man das wohl nicht sein. Man braucht jemanden an seiner Seite, mit dem man das teilen kann. Aber bis man diesen Jemand endlich begegnet, endlich findet, denjenigen, der einem das Gefühl von Vollkommenheit bieten kann. Denn nur der oder die eine im Leben, schafft es, dir das Glück zu zeigen. Alleine macht das Leben mit Sicherheit nicht so viel Spaß wie es mit jemanden teilen zu können. Ein Seelenverwandter weiß was du sagen willst, was du, zum Beispiel, mit diesem Blog hier versuchst zu sagen, obwohl er schwer verständlich ist......ein Seelenverwandter kennt dich, obwohl du vielleicht noch nicht so viele Worte mit ihm gewechselt hast. Wie Faust schon meinte: " Die Liebe ist das, was die Welt im inneren zusammenhält",- wahrhaftig. Ohne die Liebe wäre alles nur halb so schön, wenn überhaupt. Alles auf der Welt ist Liebe, so wie alles auf der Welt Kunst ist, auch die Liebe ist eine Kunst. Die Kunst der Liebe ist auch ziemlich schwer zu erlernen. Nur wenige Menschen sind fähig sich wahrhaftig zu öffnen und zu lieben. Die Meisten bleiben eher verschlossen. Man brauchte eine Weile bis man herausfindet was Liebe ist. Nun ja, ich schreibe über dieses Thema weil ich Kunst liebe. Ich liebe Kunst, aber ich beherrsche nicht die Kunst der Liebe. Zumindest der wahren, echten Liebe. Ich bin ihr noch nicht begegnet, obwohl ich so stark nach ihr suche. Oft heißt es, dass, wenn man nach etwas sucht, es Ewigkeiten dauert bis man es findet, aber wenn man es nicht sucht, und einfach nicht darüber nachdenkt, kannst du ganz plötzlich deine Suche beenden,  weil du es ganz plötzlich gefundne hast. unglaublich, oder? Vielleicht ist dass der Grund warum ich meine Liebe noch nicht gefunden habe. Ich will mich nicht mit irgendjemanden zufrieden geben, ich will mich einfach richtig verlieben, und dass hat bis jetzt noch niemand geschafft. Jedes Mal wenn ich auf eine Party gehe, dann knutsche ich herum, knutsche mit vielen herum, und vielleicht ist da dann auch noch mehr. Aber ich empfinde nichts dabei. Ich weiß nicht wieso ich das mache. Ich denke eigentlich viel darüber nach, aber ich verdränge diese Gedanken im Moment der Knutscherei und wer weiß noch was, denn ich zwinge mich praktisch danach Liebe zu verspüren. Leider funktioniert es nicht. Fuck, just kock it off.

Yes, things can change. After hard times in life always come the good ones(usually) when you are ready to leave the past behind you and move on............. ....but the question is...when am I ready?? It's not that easy to forgive people who said things to you that did hurt you. It's not that easy to forget the pain that you carried with you for years....When the right time comes around you will be ready for a change.
Sometimes you just need to say: "FUCK IT" .. forget the pain, the suffering and the harm that you were faced with in the past, and live on 'cause that's the right way to choose when you continue your life. NOW!

Do not put off things until you are totally exhausted with everything that's goin' on in your life. It's better to get it over with right away. ( I do put off things very often. I shouldn't do this. I know this makes everything worse and for the future I don't want to live like a lazy person whose life is exhausting for. I want a change. I need a change. I'm changing. I'm not sure if I believe in God, but I'm sure that I believe in something butI know that there's something which helps me to change and keeps my head up and pretends myself not to give up)  
You'll find your way to be happy after a while. I believe in that like I also do believe that I'll be happy, truly happy some day. 

Love.
It is the things in common
that make relationships enjoyable,
but it is the little differences
that make them interesting.
~ by Todd Ruthman ~


 Personally, I haven't found the "true love" yet. I always keep questioning if there something like a "soulmate" exists. For me, my friends are my actual soulmates. They are always there for me. I haven't met a boy yet who was always there for me. I wonder if he is out somewhere in the world. Maybe, maybe not. Hopefully he is out there. ???

Soul meets soul on lover's lips.
~ by Percy Bysshe Shelly ~ 


Love is always open arms. If you close your arms about love you will find that you are left holding only yourself.
~ by Leo Buscaglia ~ 

I'd like to run away
From you,
But if you didn't come
And find me ...
I would die.
~ by Shirley Bassey ~  

I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well.

-- William Shakespeare

 

 

 

They do not love that do not show their love.
The course of true love never did run smooth.
Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love.

-- William Shakespeare

 

 

 

 

 

We should just believe in love. Love can me most beautiful thing on earth, but it also can be the most horrible one..... and still we NEED love. 

 

 

 

   

....looove this poem

INVICTUS- UNCONQUERED

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find me, unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

This poem is written by one of my favorite poets William Ernest Henley. This poem has touched my soul as I read it. I love it, just love it!   

"FAIL, FAIL AGAIN, FAIL BETTER." - Samuel Beckett

THE PERSON WHO DOESN'T MAKE MISTAKES IS UNLIKELY TO MAKE ANYTHING!

("If you can't save a problem, it's because you're playing by the rules!")

Benjamin Franklin said, "I haven't failed, I've had 10,000 ideas that didn't work."

Thomas Edison said, " Of the 200 light bulbs that didn't work, every failure told me something that I was able to incorporate into the next attempt."

Theatre director Joan Littlewood said, "If we don't get lost, we'll never find a new route."

All of them understood that failures and false starts are a precondition of success.
Failure is a major contributor to success.

BEING right is based upon knowledge and experience and is often provable. Knowledge comes from the past, so it's safe. It is also out of date. It's the opposite of originality. Experience is the opposite of being creative. Being right is also being boring. Your mind is closed. You are not open to new ideas. You are rooted in your own rightness, which is arrogant. Arrogance is a valuable tool, but only if used very sparingly. So: it's wrong to be right, because people who are right are rooted in the past, rigid-minded, dull and smug.

IT IS RIGHT TO BE WRONG!

START being wrong and suddenly anything is possible. You are in the unknown. There's no way of knowing what can happen, but there's more chance of it being amazing that if you try to be right. Of course, being wrong is a risk. People worry about suggesting stupid ideas because of what others will think. You will have been in meetings where new thinking has been called for, at your original suggestion. Risks are a measure of people. People who won't take them are trying to preserve what they have. People who do take them often end up by having more. Being wrong isn't in the future, or in the past. Being wrong isn't anywhere but being here.

Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have.

shooting stars

My life?

It’s a mess.

I often think about what could have happened if I chose another way to walk along. Maybe I should have chosen ways that were not covered with huge rocks and stones that I have to climb over.

Maybe I should have chosen a way that was easier to go along.

Maybe I should have thought different when I was younger.

Maybe I should have tried…I should have tried to face my problems and I should not have pretended not to have them.

Maybe….I should not use the word maybe because actually, it makes everything worse. 

Well, probably there are many people who have the same thoughts like me. The most of them don't like to talk about their feelings because many just want to keep secrets and others just are ashamed of themselves. I have lots of thoughts about life and death and I always think about "WHAT IF?" I think it's time to talk about it and I want to share my thoughts with you. I want to share my feelings and I want to let you know what I think about this life here.

How often do we think "It's time to change my life and myself and t do better!" How often do think about ourselves and how often do we think we are not good enough and we just want to be different than others. Every person is influenced by others. And this person probably is extremely influenced by those so he or she doesn't even know what she truly loves in life because this person just wants others to like her or him. It's hard to go our own way in this world. We all are affected by material possessions and we all want to be successful in life and have a good payed job and we we want to live in a huge flat with nice, expensive furniture. We have forgot what's truly important in life. We actually have forgot what we really want and why we do live. We have forgot who we are and we don't know which way to go because others rule our lives already. We are influenced by those who want prosperity and beauty.   

If you have encountered obstacles in your life you may understand. I do not talk about little problems but big ones. I talk about having experiences which change you life. I did have experiences which changed my life..but in a bad way. I am waiting for a miracle which finally wakes me up in this world. I am kind of asleep and I feel like I am missing a lot of things here. I am waiting for shooting stars so I can make a wish. 

The thing is, we all want a change in our own lives. Most of us don't want to live like they do right now. But I don't know how we finally can break out from this disgusting cage we are locked in. It's hard to get the strength for this. Words can't do this for us. We really need to wake up because how it is right now we can't continue this. There must be a change otherwise this world will fall apart.